Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
