Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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