In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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