Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
