I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
