WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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