1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
