Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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