I smell stomach acid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
