I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
