I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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