trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
