are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
