There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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