Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
