Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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