she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
