So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
