You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just found puke in my bra..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
