You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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