mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im holly from the hills drunk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
