Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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