just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
