I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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