You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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