Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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