Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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