The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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