If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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