OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
