I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
