ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
