I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
