She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
