We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
