Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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