this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
