wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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