a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
