There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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