I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
whose ass print is on the piano?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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