im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the raccoons are back...
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