So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
