Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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