I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
