Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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