jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
