I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
