I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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