So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
