I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
