I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
