How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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